How Not to Be a Jerk

I would be suspicious of anyone who claimed to have finished learning how to get along with other people. I hope you will bring a little of that suspicion to me.

This book concerns the small encounters that make up so much of a life: the interruption, the unasked-for advice, the message sent too quickly, the apology that begins well and then takes a wrong turn. Most of us can recognise these habits when somebody else supplies the example. Recognising our own part takes a little longer.

I wanted to write something practical enough to carry into the next conversation. That does not mean every disagreement can be settled with a better sentence. Sometimes people want incompatible things. Sometimes a clear refusal is needed. Being considerate includes taking responsibility for what we do and allowing other people to make choices we would not make for them.

There is humour in these pages because embarrassment can be easier to examine when we can smile at it. The point of the joke should not be the person who was hurt. If we recognise ourselves, the useful next step is to consider what we might do differently.

You do not have to agree with everything here. Try an idea against an actual exchange. Ask whether it helps you hear the other person, say what you mean and leave room for an honest answer. A book cannot conduct that conversation for us. It can sometimes help us arrive a little better prepared.

Stuart Corlett